SIQR for Cult Exit Counseling (SIQR4CEC)

Self-Talk Identification, Questioning & Revision for the Cult Escapee.

The sentence I read from a former religious addict well into her recovery set me to thinking.

“I had exchanged one life of guilt for yet another,” she wrote.

I responded:

“The more sophisticated gurus are aware of this and either utilize it to bring the ‘lost sheep’ back to their own fold, or see it in the newcomers and utilize it to suck them into a new fold.

“In the new, dialectical behavior therapy for cult exit counseling, the former member is taken through a series of experiential exercises so that they can see this dichotomous flip-flopping very clearly and replace it with a more dialectical orientation toward their emotions.”

A few minutes later it occurred to me that I had not yet completed my paper on SIQR (Self-talk Identification, Questioning & Revision) for cult exit work. The only version in existence was on the hard drive of a long-gone laptop, so I will try to reconstruct it as best I can.

The Pre-Requisites

1) Mental health professionals unfamiliar with SIQR will need to read “Self-Talk Identification, Questioning & Revision Five Years Later” at http://sighkoblahgrr.blogspot.com/2011/04/siqr-dd-five-years-later_01.html to get a solid grounding in the therapy’s theory, supporting research, and practice.

2) Lay people, including recent “parachutists” and supporting family members or friends, will probably do better with the red type that begins about halfway down in the article “SIQR for New Users and Other Lay Readers” at http://sighkoblahgrr.blogspot.com/2009/11/siqr-for-new-users-and-other-lay.html. (Thanks once again to ML for his distillation.)

3) Finally, I suggest that all readers take a quick look at “An ACT Metaphor: The Chess Game” at http://sighkoblahgrr.blogspot.com/2010/10/act-metaphor-chess-game.html.

I have elected not to get into the matter of neuropsychology in this paper, but those who wish to understand the neuroplastic targeting of SIQR, and research-based support therefore, can at least begin the process by digging into the cited material at item one above.

Roll the Credits

Once read and reasonably well grasped, it may be clear that following the initial work with the dozen, erroneous core belief sentences set forth in Albert Ellis’s Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (see Ellis et al), one can move on to identical work with core belief sentences developed from the work of experts on mind control and influence in diverse settings including Alfred Adler (in Mosac), Robert Altemeyer, Steve Arterburn, Gregory Bateson, Don Jackson, Jay Haley, Murray Bowen, Nathaniel Branden, Richard Byrne, Joseph Carver, Robert Cialdini, Anthony De Mello, Erik Erikson, Aaron Esterson, Susan Forward, Mark Galanter, Eran Golomb, Jules Henry, Eric Hoffer, Lawrence Kohlberg, Matthijs Koopmans, Sheldon Kopp, Jiddu Krishnamurti, Ronald D. Laing, Theodore Lidz, Robert Lifton, Andrea Lissette, Richard Kraus, James Marcia, Stanley Milgram, A. G. Miller, M. Scott Peck, Milton Rokeach, Julian Rotter, Edgar Schein, Margaret Singer, B. F. Skinner, Maurice Stein, Arthur Vidich, David White, June Tangney, Kathleen Taylor, Bessel van der Kolk, John Watson, Paul Watzlawick, Gary Woodward and Robert Denton.

A grounding in “codependence” is also very useful. Some of the core belief sentences I use in SIQR4CEC (SIQR for Cult Exit Counseling) are derived from work by experts like Melody Beattie, Timmen Cermak, Patricia Evans, Pia Mellody, James Rapson, Craig English, Anne Wilson Schaef, Barry & Janae Weinhold, and Charles Whitfield.

And the manners of expression of those core beliefs – the sentences themselves – are greatly influenced by cognitive therapy experts like Aaron Beck, Arthur Freeman, Wayne Dyer, William Knauss, Matthew McKay, Donald Meichenbaum, Richard Wessler, Sheena Hankin, and Jeffrey Young, as well as critical thinking expert Vincent Ruggiero.

I am also greatly influenced by a number of experts in group dynamics, including Peter Berger, Thomas Luckman, Eric Berne, Robert Cialdini, Steven Karpman, and attachment theory, including John Bowlby, Jude Cassidy, Peter Fonagy, Erich Fromm, James Masterson, Alan Schore, and Phillip Shaver.

And for the “old-school” object relations people who may have stumbled onto this, it should be clear that any and all SIQR core belief sentences are considered in light of the ground-breaking work of Wilfred Bion (in Symington), Donald Fairbairn, Ann Freud, Otto Kernberg, Thomas Klee, Melanie Klein (in Mitchell), Heinz Kohut (in Siegel), William Meissner, Jill & David Scharff, Harry Stack Sullivan, and Donald Winnicott.

Qualifying the Prospect

“The subject must be met where he is.” SIQR for any purpose cannot be usefully attempted until the subject has moved along a path from denial / pre-contemplation through at least some contemplation / consideration towards acceptance / identification and commitment / action (see Prochaska & DiClemente). Attempts to engage anyone largely at denial / pre-contemplation in any therapeutic process will be met with resistance that must first be dealt with by Motivational Enhancement, or at least, Rogerian techniques (see Miller & Rollnick, Rollnick & Miller, and Rogers).

The long and short of it is that empathy, understanding, patience, nurturing, attunement (as per Masterson, Stern, and D. Siegel) are an absolute requirement in the therapeutic interface with most cult exiters in early recovery. Most are at least temporarily borderline organized (see Kernberg, and Meissner) and highly reactive to anything perceived as “pressure,” let alone invasion of their personal space. For it is their arrival at a cognitive conclusion of having been invaded that influenced their decision to break away from the pseudo-security of their group enmeshment (see Galanter, Singer, and Taylor).

The list of questions for cult exiters at http://sighkoblahgrr.blogspot.com/2012/01/motivational-interview-questions-for.html may be helpful, but should be carefully, rather than prefunctorally, applied. One size does not fit all in any form of motivational enhancement. (And, yes; this list of questions should be subjected to empirical verification across a large number of subjects.)

The Drop Drill Approach to Mindfulness Meditation

While it can be addressed before or after initial use of CBT / REBT techniques, some form of exposure to and tolerance of lingering affective states (emotions, sensations, feelings) induced during the cult experience is required. Mindfulness Meditation (see Brach, Follette & Pistorello, Forsyth & Eifert, Garrett, Hayes et al, Kabat-Zinn, Ludwig & Kabat-Zinn, Marra, McKay et al, Orsillo & Minton, D. Siegel, R. Seigel, Somov, Thich, and Tolle) is the current favorite route into exposure and affect tolerance. I utilize a version that combines the Buddhist-based mindfulness meditations with Benson’s relaxation response, Selye’s methods and other forms of direct intervention upon the autonomic nervous system (see Selye, and Wolpe) to induce decreased sympathetic and increased para-sympathetic tone.

Without going into detail here, two circumstances must be understood. Most cult members have been exposed to some perverse use of these relaxation and mindfulness techniques in their cultic mind control programming. Many will not readily re-engage in such practice unless or until they are relatively certain that the counselor or therapist is not out to utilize meditation to control them. A trusting relationship will need to be built over time.

I have found that many cult exiters respond well to a brief explanation of Erik Erikson’s first six stage of development (trust, autonomy, initiative, competence, identity and intimacy) in a package that they can see “arms” them with a means of understanding how one can be programmed and how to defend themselves against it.

I have also found that limited exposure to Jiddu Krishnamurti’s work on “paths to clarity” is helpful as it demonstrates that the counselor or therapists is not so much out to re-program the subject with some new belief system as he or she is to de-program the subject from any means of influence, and provide the subject with the tools to decide for him- or her-self what he or she wishes to believe.

When the subject arrives at a clear grasp of such ideas, he or she is usually far more willing to trust the counselor or therapist and engage in both the cognitive and experiential work. The Drop Drill is then usually seen as a “supercharged” means of getting to the space of detachment from emotion-soaked identification with any acquired belief, including those “sold” to the subject by the cult.

Cult Dynamics 101

Singer’s Cult in Our Midst: The Continuing Fight Against their Hidden Menace is required reading for anyone who would counsel, let alone therapize, cult exiters. My review of her book, “A Superior, if Incomplete, Rundown of How it’s Done” at http://www.amazon.com/Cults-Our-Midst-Continuing-Against/product-reviews/0787967416/ref=cm_cr_dp_all_helpful?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending, will make that clear, as well as the article “The Slow Boat to Childhood Brainwashing” at http://sighkoblahgrr.blogspot.com/2011/04/slow-boat-to-brainwashing.html.

The book review can also be seen at http://sighkoblahgrr.blogspot.com/2012/02/book-review-cults-in-our-midst.html.

Failure to understand the 18 aspects of mind control can get in the way of trust formation, as well as effective de-programming.

(The final version of this paper will probably include most of the material from the book review.)

The SIQR Process for Cult Exit Counseling

Subsequent to the use of Ellis’s first dozen (or so) sentences (the list varies), the counselor / therapist and cult exiter discuss both the experience of working through the list in standard SIQR fashion as well as the cognitive results of the work. Discussion of the experience is required to provide the counselor / therapist (henceforth just “counselor” but meaning “therapist,” as well) with insight into the subject’s affects relative to each of the topics addressed by Ellis’s core belief sentences. The counselor needs to keep these in mind as opportunities for further examination, as well as potential triggers during the further use of the SIQR technique.

In the next stage, the cult exiter is exposed to a second list of core belief sentences, dealing with them in the same fashion as he or she did with the first “batch.” The sentences are directly derived by the counselor from the motivational interview questions at the link above. One size fits all does not work here. The counselor needs to work from the subject’s responses to the first list of “Ellis sentences” along with his or her responses to the motivational interview questions. Any alert mental health professional will be able to select a dozen appropriate core beliefs therefrom to present to the subject for the SIQR “digestive” process. A dozen examples follow:

1) “It is vital that I keep still and suppress any questions I have about instructions from someone I believe in.”

2) “It’s always best never to discuss anything about ‘personal matters’ with others.”

3) “I should do whatever it takes to achieve my goals even it is in conflict with other ideas I have about life.”

4) “Many of the ideas I had about life before I joined ___ were clearly wrong.”

5) “It always works out best when I follow instructions from those who really know what’s up.”

6) “I have always thought that some parts of my thinking are evil.”

7) “One really should confess their evil thoughts to others who understand such things.”

8) “When I have thoughts about being stuck between a rock and a hard place, it’s really best to just let them go and move on.”

9) “It’s okay to be harshly criticized by those who know more than I do about life.”

10) “I sometimes feel like a fool in front of others in my group, but I know their judgments of me are for my own good.”

11) “The rest of the world ‘outside’ will never understand what I do about life.”

12) “It’s very difficult to talk with people outside my group, but I know my friends in the group will always understand me.”

Subsequent to the use of the second, derived batch of sentences, the counselor / therapist and cult exiter discuss both the experience of working through the list in standard SIQR fashion as well as the cognitive results of the work. Discussion of the experience is required to provide the counselor with insight into the subject’s affects relative to each of the topics addressed by the second batch of sentences. The counselor needs to keep these in mind as opportunities for further examination, as well as potential triggers during the further use of the SIQR technique.

In the next stage, the cult exiter is exposed to a third list of core belief sentences, dealing with them in the same fashion as he or she did with the second “batch.” The sentences are directly derived by the counselor from the results of the second batch of sentences. Again, one size fits all does not work here. The counselor needs to work from the subject’s responses to the second group of sentences along with his or her responses to the first batch (or “Ellis sentences”) and the motivational interview questions.

The process is repeated concurrently with further skills training in the Drop Drill meditation, and elective exposure to various input on enmeshment an codependence, as well as socially appropriate autonomy, separation, individuation and identity (see Erikson).

The Expectable Phases of Recovery

There seem to be several phases one goes through when transcending the enmeshment with a social ideology, whether its manifest in a church, a mind control cult, a political affiliation, an employment identity or a "place in (a suspect) society."

1) The recognition / awakening / dis-cover-y that something is not "right."

2) Regret about / disgust with / hostility towards having been "duped," "cheated," "used," "harmed," etc.

3) The investment in digging into / questioning / un-cover-ing the dogmas, rules, ideologies, beliefs, values et al., which is driven by the hot emotions mentioned above.

4) Confusion / disquiet / uncertainty about what to take up in place of the old ideology.

5) Searching for a new ideology / belief-value system / set of idea(l)s, perhaps going through several.

6) Arrival at relative contentment with an increasingly integrated new ideology... or even lack of ideology in a way-out-of-the-box state of "comfortable tolerance" of existential ambiguity / uncertainty / lack of resolution.

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